Those Advice shared by A Parent Which Helped Me when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."